Journey to Christendom - Chapter 11

The Dance of Suffering –“The Dark Night of Enlightenment”

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Photo by Raychel Sanner on Unsplash

The Dance of Freedom had
Crossed
The Bridge of Reason
But I was not prepared for
What came next

In fact, I am not sure how to
 Tell it
My new saintly sister and my
Friends
Led me to the valley of necessity

The Valley of Tears
How can I begin?
Except to tell you I have
Never seen such courage

The clouds grew dark
And began to cover the
Sunlight
A storm was coming – and not
Just any storm

The wind began to pick up
It was becoming harder to dance
Though I pretended to 
Smile, I was afraid

The sun began to set
And a terrific and awful
Feeling overpowered me
I felt as if the sun would not
Rise again…

My saintly sister Therese was peaceful
But somber
She looked at me not with 
Dancing eyes

But with suffering eyes
Not sad eyes
But powerful, courageous
Suffering eyes

I shook, for this was my
Journey as well
I braced myself for the
Challenge
The challenge of courage

And nobility
And honor
And virtue

Attributes, characteristics
I had never known before in a
Life of self-indulgence
This would be like dying, in
Fact this was dying

Therese and her friends spoke 
With me as we
Prepared to descend
Because if I were to find my
Purpose

If I were to meet my destiny
The Valley was the path
In fact, it was the Apostolic
Path of the Dogmatic Creed

It was, she explained
Uniquely the path of the
Fathers, the Apostolic Fathers
For others who wished to
Reach our destination

Tried other paths
Paths that avoid the valley
Paths that only seek
Pleasure – and many fell lost

It would be absolutely critical, she
Added
To stay on the path of the Creed
For only orthodoxy and the
Dogmatic path would be visible in
The storm

And so
Down we went
To the Valley of Darkness

Therese and her friends held
Their cloaks
Tight
As the gale force winds began
To hit all around us

They told me, to give me courage
That on the other side of the 
Valley
Were the King, the Queen and my
Destiny

As I began to stumble and
Fall
For the earth shook
They held me up

Therese yelled through the blasting
Rain
“Your strength and your power, that of 
Yourself are not your safety!”
“Your safety is Fidelity, Faithfulness
To the path – stay on it!”

I could see nothing but the
Path
The Dogmatic Path of the 
Creed was all
Around it was darkness

I crawled and cut myself
I was bleeding
And cold, feeling near
Death

As the storm raged
Therese explained to me
The nature of the malady
The reason for the Valley

“In your dark forest” she began
“You blasphemed the very 
Science and Reason
That you sought to worship”

“For by stretching the material beyond it’s
Noble place” she came down to me
“You attempted to make it a first
Philosophy
You defined all from that start
And in the dark forest you fell!”

“And in that dark forest” softly 
Spoke Therese
“Of misguided first-philosophies
Your evolution became involution
Enlightenment became darkness!”

“Now” Therese stared through me
“You must be
Created in the True First
Philosophy”
I felt my eyes close, in sleep or in
Death, I could not be sure

I woke suddenly
The sun was shining, I was alive!
My clothes were new, my body
And spirit filled with enormous
Strength

My saintly sister Therese and
My friends
Were there smiling again
They beckoned me to hurry, to
Stop dragging my feet

But I needed to turn and stare
At the dark valley behind me
The young warrior woman
Appeared again and with
Therese stood next to me

“That path had been closed to all”
Said the warrior, The Maid of Orleans
“Until the One, the Logos, the
Reason, Love itself
Opened it for all by suffering through
It, now we are free”

I turned toward the light
Distant, I saw a beautiful place, a
Palace on our path hence
I ran after my friends again, being
Newly made, and heading to my
Destiny next…

There is a juncture on my journey on the Freedom Dance that best describes the value of following Catholic Dogma; again, that means the way of obedience to the voice of truth in the authoritative teachings of Christ himself through his Catholic Church. The limitations of human reason became apparent when my friends took me further along the Freedom Dance to the Valley of Suffering, the Dark Valley. Let all voices fall silent here before the almighty, suffering God on the Cross. Here is true Christianity; it is dying on the Cross to be resurrected into new life.

Human reason cannot sufficiently interpret a suffering God who redeemed his created children through his willingness to die for them. The finest intellect in human history would not have figured this out through pure logic and scientific discovery. This is called revelation. God reveals what he wants us to know but which we cannot understand. And revelation is not illogical; it is simply more extensive than our minds can comprehend. It is “super-logical” because it is “supernatural.” And, I think that that is actually a logical statement, that God is beyond our mental capacity, for if he were not, would he then be God? My friends needed to lead me over the Bridge of Reason first, to understand the correct first philosophy of “In the beginning was the Word.” Following the Bridge of Reason, I could be transformed by the first philosophy of The Word through the revelation and mystery of suffering. One must walk through the Dark Valley to be so transformed.

No matter how far the modern mind advances in science, this mind will never comprehend the mystery of suffering. It is beyond science, but it is entirely reasonable; one must be led into this truth, just as the journey over the Bridge of Reason had anticipated. Only Christ could open that path, and there is no other way to journey to paradise. All the saints took this path. Just read their stories. All routes that deny the true Cross of suffering and death as the only way to our resurrected end are lies that will lead you to the second death that never ends. Only through the true first philosophy of The Word can our true destiny be realized. The first philosophy of Nothing will never lead one safely through the Dark Valley.

My understanding of this truth is trivial in size and scope compared to my sister Therese, for I do not have her sanctity, not even close. Still, I will tell you about this vital part of my journey and how my saintly sister helped me. Though I cannot comprehend this great and essential mystery with her spiritual insight, I will tell you the most important thing that I do know. I will tell you how the Lord used his terrible sword to sever the bonds that held me on the brink of perdition. Through the gentle touch of the Mother of God and the stiff blade of her Son, I was free to unite my sufferings with Jesus on the Cross while remaining a helpless penitent on my knees in need of God’s grace. To find meaning and to even mystically help others, in and through one’s suffering while remaining helplessly in need oneself, is absolute and true freedom and power! It is to join Christ while still being at his mercy. It is to imitate the saints, as the Church wishes that we do while remaining in the knowledge that we are still sinners who have not yet arrived “to our destination,” as Therese explains on the path. It is the freedom and power expressed by St. Paul, who said:

“Wherefore, so that I should not get above myself, I was given a thorn in the flesh, a messenger from Satan to batter me and prevent me from getting above myself. About this, I have three times pleaded with the Lord that it might leave me, but he answered me, ‘My grace is enough for you; for power is at full stretch in weakness.’ It is, then, about my weaknesses that I am happiest of all to boast, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me; and that is why I am glad of weaknesses, insults, constraints, persecutions, and distress for Christ’s sake. For it is when I am weak that I am strong.”[1]

Loving Christ and his family in the Father's Kingdom; sacrificing unto even our death out of that love; living in helpless but freeing abandonment before our God; these are the transforming outcomes of the storms and suffering of the Dark Valley. These transform us and bring God's grace into the world to change it and the people in it. Christ saves the world through sacrificial, redemptive suffering. With obedient and sacrificial love, Joan of Arc crippled the Hundred Years War through the power of Christ. It is the path to eternity and bliss; it is the path to God, as demonstrated in the life of Christ! Is not this what Christ revealed to us in his life, passion, death, and resurrection; that is, love of humanity, sacrificial death on the Cross, and abandonment to the Father throughout it all? And did he not redeem the entire world, past, present, and future, through those actions?

Yes, this is the answer God gave humanity in the short geological timeframe of thirty-three years! Alas, the empirically-minded atheist refuses the data because he refuses to be taught. Truth can be no more significant than the size of his brain, and this pride is his prison. The Eastern New Age thinker refuses it because he thinks he has a softer alternative; he can melt into a universal oneness with the impersonal nothingness. Only too late will he realize that he has fallen off a precipice. Calvary is Truth. The Cross of death and resurrection through Christ is the only sure path to freedom and eternal life. This is the message of Christ, the message of the Apostles, and the message of the Church for the past two thousand years. Because of this message, Christ was crucified, the Apostles were martyred, and the Church is hated today by secular society.

My saintly sister brought me, with the help of Mary and through the grace of Christ, through this valley. I was transformed while remaining a helpless sinner abandoned to God's mercy. But though still a sinner, all of my suffering and my life itself instantly became meaningful and purposeful. Death became life, just as Christ promised.